


The Snow Can Wait

by EarthsSassiestHeroes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 03:46:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/844940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthsSassiestHeroes/pseuds/EarthsSassiestHeroes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It’s OK Bucky. When this is over... I want you to know it’s not your fault. I promise everything’s going to be ok. I love you,” Steve muffles a sob as he steels himself, meeting The Winter Soldier’s eyes, cold and calm. He closes them as he feels the cold steel of the gun pressed against his forehead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Snow Can Wait

**Author's Note:**

> The story is told in a non sequential order. I hope it isn't confusing. Inspired by spoilery shots of the set for Captain America: The Winter Soldier

“Please! Bucky don’t do this!” Steve screamed, tears in his eyes. He felt a sharp impact to the side of his face where the Winter Soldier’s steel hand landed a punch. “This isn’t you! It’s me Steve!” Steve continued to block punches, dodging back and forth, slowly backing up. He can taste the copper of blood in his mouth. Several large slashes across his chest.

As the soviet assassin reached forward and grabbed Steve’s arm, he wrenched it forward. Their eyes met for a moment before a sudden pressure followed by the chilling sound of bone snapping. “Argh!” Steve’s cries guttural as he fell to his knees.

“Any last words?” His voice so familiar and yet lacking in the warmth that made him Bucky Barnes.

“It’s OK Bucky. When this is over... I want you to know it’s not your fault. I promise everything’s going to be ok. I love you,” Steve muffles a sob as he steels himself, meeting The Winter Soldier’s eyes, cold and calm. He closes them as he feels the cold steel of the gun pressed against his forehead. A near imperceptible whirring is followed by a low grunt and suddenly the barrell of the gun is no longer pressed against Steve. He opens his eyes slowly, to see an arrow sticking out of The Winter Soldier’s shoulder, blood slowly coursing from the wound. “Bucky,” Steve sighs sadly as the edges of his vision blacken. Somewhere far away he hears Natasha calling for medics, talking about targets.

 

* * *

 

 

“Bucky, I don’t wanna be with you because you want this!” Steve’s voice a harsh whisper as he meets Bucky’s gleaming blue eyes. He gestures to his serum enhanced body. There is a flash of something that Steve thinks might be hurt in Bucky’s eyes.

“Steve this isn’t...” Barnes pauses looking down shyly. “This isn’t about ‘this’” his words emphasized as he places a hand softly to rest on Steve’s well muscled chest. “I always wanted this. I just..” He sighed. “I just didn’t want to make your life any harder then it always was. People were so cruel. I didn’t want to make you an easier target. I was... I was scared of the consequences.” His eyes raising to look up into Steve’s. “But I’m pretty sure any queer bashers are gonna have another thing coming to them if they try and hassle you now.” Bucky smiles but Steve’s expression is still a mix of hurt and anger.

“Bucky that’s a bullshit excuse.” His words are cold and bitter.

“I know I just...” Bucky pauses looking down and then moving to sit on the cot behind him. He runs his fingers through his head and Steve can see tears trickling down his face. “When I was in that lab. I thought...” He looks up to meet Steve’s suddenly concerned gaze. “I thought I was gonna die in there. And all I could think was... I never told Stevie how I felt. I spent my whole life so afraid of somebody saying something, or some drunken assholes. And here I was strapped to a table about to meet my maker and I never even kissed the guy I love.” Bucky’s words finding their way out around quiet sobs. Steve squats down so he is face to face with Bucky.

“Well took you long enough,” He smiled softly leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips. As he pulled back Bucky looked at him with a dazed expression as if in a dream.

“I feel like I’m gonna wake up back on that table and you’ll have just been a dream. I mean... Suddenly the little spunky guy from Brooklyn I always had a crush on shows up looking like a Charles Atlas wet dream and saves my sorry ass.” he chuckles inspite of himself.

“It’s not a dream Buck,” Steve’s words quiet as he moves to wipe a tear away from Bucky’s cheek with his thumb. “No matter what happens...” The words heavy with the memory of men and boys dead in the mud. “No matter what... I love you. I want you to know that. I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you smile.” Steve looks up through lashes to meet Bucky. And suddenly finds himself pulled into a heated kiss. Gone is the chaste softness of their first. Now all the years of longing and pain, of the fear and sadness course between them.

 

* * *

 

 

The day of Sarah Rogers died was a cold overcast day in November. Steve’s chest and back hurt from sobbing himself to sleep the night before. The doctors had told him she wouldn’t be with them much longer. He had all but lived at the hospital for the past week. She was all he had left. His father long gone. When she let out a long pained sigh, Steve could see the life leaving her eyes. He didn’t have it in him to sob. He was all alone now. He needed to be brave. His mother had always protected him from the world. Taken care of him when he was sick. “I love you mom,” he whispers leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead as he takes his hand and gently closes her now vacant eyes.

Three days later as they lower her into the ground it starts to snow. The priest looks at Steve with a mix of pity and sorrow.

“Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not be discouraged...” Steve stops listening as the bible verse trails along.

Soon after he is in the back of the priest’s car being taken to Angel Guardian Home. He is taken inside and shown to an empty cot in a long room lined with them. He doesn’t respond as the priest bids his farewell. He lays down pulling the blanket over himself. Outside the snow is falling softly coating the city. He closed his eyes as thoughts of his mother filled his head.

He woke up some time after to someone gently nudging him awake. “You must be the new kid!” The voice of a boy inquired. He opened his eyes slowly and found a handsome boy with dark hair and bright blue eyes looking back at him. He sat up slowly.

“I’m Steve Rogers, it’s nice to meet you.” Forcing a smile he held out his hand. His mother had told him to always be polite and mind his manners.

“I’m James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky,” the dark hair boy offered shaking Steve’s hand. He smiled his blue eyes sparkling and Steve could feel his heart flutter.

 

* * *

 

 

“Rogers stop looking at me with that LOOK!” Natasha snapped as they exited the quinjet.

“I’m sorry I just...” Steve trailed off a little ashamed. Natasha spun around to face him and stopped suddenly.

“I knew him. He trained me. But that was a long time ago Steve.” She fixed him with a glare that implied the topic was no longer up for conversation.

“I was just concerned. This must not be easy for you.” Steve said quietly as he followed after her as she turned and continued walking.

“I’ve been through far worse.” She replied in a deadpan. They had been briefed that an assassin who was part of The Red Room initiative was involved in at attack on the capital and in the briefing Steve had put two and two together as to Natasha’s involvement. He thought back to the terrible experiments he had heard about from the war. Thought of HYDRA and of Bucky strapped to a table in that lab. Even now thinking of him made his heart hurt just a little.

 

* * *

 

 

“You need to learn when to stand up for yourself and when to let it go Steve,” Bucky sighed as he rubbed pomade through his hair in the mirror.

“I can handle myself Bucky,” Steve scoffed as he dressed.

“Obviously you can’t. You could of really gotten yourself hurt today.”  Bucky said turning around to look at Steve. He was met with a stern glare from the smaller man. “I just...” Bucky sighed as he moved to put on the rest of his dress uniform. “I worry about you.”

“I’m a big boy Buck. You don’t need to worry.” Steve fixed him with that look he got. A sense of authority which contrasted starkly with his diminutive stature.

“I know Steve. But I won’t always be around.” The words hung in the air. Bucky was going off to the war. Steve knew he might never come back. Every day they heard of mothers losing sons. Women losing husbands.

“Bucky?” Steve says quietly looking down at his own hands.

“Yeah?” Steve’s mouth hands open slightly. His words die on his tongue as he looks at Bucky, blue eyes shining. He looks so handsome in his uniform. Steve wants to kiss him. To say he loves him. That he always has. That he knows Bucky doesn’t feel for him that way. He just wants to say it cause he’s scared. Scared of the war. Scared Bucky might not come back. Scared of the burning he feels in his own soul.

“That date of yours’ friend. Is she cute?” Steve swears he almost sees a flash of sadness before Bucky smiles brightly at him.

 

* * *

 

 

When they get close enough that he can see The Winter Soldier’s face he feels a soft pang. He isn’t sure why. The assassin wears a mask that obscures the bottom of his face. His eyes are deep blue, cold and cruel. His dark hair a wild mess. Steve pushes down that strange feeling in his gut as he prepares to fight.

As they exchange blows, he is distracted by the deep blue of the assassin’s eyes. Something is so familiar about them. He lands a strong hit across the soviet’s jaw and before he even registers his own actions, he rips the mask off.

“Bucky?” Steve’s brows knit together in disbelief. Before he can even begin to register his own shock, he feels a metal hand grasping around his throat.

 

* * *

 

 

“Come on Stevie!” Bucky calls from the yard of the orphanage. He’s building a snowman. Steve looks on from the door. He looks down at his bare hands, the winter wind whipping around him.

“I need to get my mittens!” He called from the door as he rushed back inside. When he got to his cot, he found them. They were a deep blue. His mother had knit them for him. ‘To keep you warm when I can’t be there’ she had said. Steve doesn’t go out to join Bucky in the snow. Later Bucky comes in his face flushed and pink from the cold. He find’s Steve crying and pulls him into a hug, softly rubbing the smaller boy’s back.

“The snow can wait Steve.” Bucky whispered holding Steve closer. “I promise everything’s gonna be OK”

 

* * *

 

 

“I just wanted to make you proud.” Steve says quietly as he pulls Bucky’s smaller form into him. Wrapping a well muscled arm around his bare torso.

“Why do you think I signed up Steve.” Bucky murmured into the blonde's chest.

“What do you mean?” Steve’s voice confused as he looked down. They were on the cot in Steve’s quarters sweaty and exhausted.

“I wanted to make you proud.” His tone as if in a confessional. “You were always such a great guy. You never let any of it get to you. Always did the right thing. Always said please and thank you. If anyone had the right to hate the world it was you.” Bucky reached his hand out across Steve’s broad chest, tracing circles. “But you never let any of it get to you. You were just such a good man.”

“Bucky you’re a good man.” Steve scoffed, a smile on his lips.

“Not like you. I was never as brave as you. I just didn’t get as much shit dumped on me.”

“I was always proud of you,” Steve’s voice soft as he pressed a kiss into the dark mess of Bucky’s hair.

 

* * *

 

He is having the same nightmare he has had for weeks. Bucky is reaching for him, and he can’t reach. But this time Bucky is reaching for him. But Steve is the one who falls. He sees Bucky’s screaming face disappear as he feels the cold surround him. He wakes up and he can hear the radio. But something isn’t right. The baseball game playing on the radio, he recognizes the date. A woman comes in and greets him. He isn’t sure if this is all some dream within a dream. His memories a fog.

As he is standing in the middle of Times Square he realizes it all happened. His stomach sinks as he realizes this isn’t an elaborate dream. Bucky is dead. Almost everyone he knew is likely dead.

 

* * *

 

Steve comes to as a SHIELD medic is resetting his arm. He cries out in pain. He looks around and realizes he is back at Headquarters. “I’m sorry Captain, but we had to make sure it wouldn’t set at a funny angle.” The doctor apologizes before excusing himself when Nick Fury clears his throat from the doorway.

When he is done recounting what has happened Fury looks at him with something resembling pity.

“Can I see him?” Steve asks knowing the answer but asking anyway.

“No. It will take a great deal of time before he will be ready for visitors. If he ever is ready for them.”

Later he runs into Clint in the hallway. “Can we talk?” He asks politely but with a tone that makes it less of a request and more of a statement.

“Sure Cap!” Clint gestures to an empty debriefing room. Once they have settled in Clint spoke first breaking the silence. “Is this you thanking me for saving your ass?” He smirked. Clint hadn’t been with them on the mission. But when he had overheard Fury talking to Hill about the mission, he had taken a quinjet and found his way to DC. His arrow was what stopped Steve’s brain from being splattered across the concrete.

“No... But thank you.” Steve forced a smile. “It’s about The Red Room.”

“You’re better off reading the files Cap,” Clint shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

“I’ve read them already. But I know you and Natasha are close. I just... I wanted a real opinion on what it does to people. Not a bunch of clinical analysis.”

“They break them Steve.” Clint’s tone was suddenly serious. “Tasha still has nightmares. When I found her she was programmed to be a weapon.” He sighed quietly. “She had done terrible things. Awful things. But there was something in there. A spark of that little girl they took. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t kill her.” Clint’s voice was pained and Steve was taken aback at the contrast to his normally snarky brash personality.

“How long did it take before she was normal?” Steve asked not meeting Clint’s eyes.

“Tash’ll never be normal again Steve. They took something from her she’ll never get back. But I assume you mean how long ‘til she started being the Natasha we know.” Steve nodded a look of pained hope in his eyes. “They kept her in custody for 6 months. Took well over a year after that before I would say she was functional. But by the time they were done deprogramming her and all that shit, she remembered shit from before. Her grandmother, the cat that she would feed in the alley by their apartment.”

“So she didn’t lose it all?” Steve’s voice strained and sullen.

“It’s gonna take a while but he’s in there somewhere Steve.” Clint said as he stood and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

 

“I know you're listening somewhere Bucky. I just...” Steve paused looking down at the small marker to an empty grave. “I miss you so much. I’m so sorry Bucky.” He stifled back a tear. “I love you so much. But I am gonna keep making you proud. I won’t let your death be in vain.” He laid a bundle of lilies on the unmarked white cross. As he mounted his motorcycle it started to snow.

 

* * *

 

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice is soft and quiet as he looks toward the back of the dark haired man. He is seated on the floor of a glass cell, legs crossed and his back to the glass.

“Steve?” His voice tinny as it is transmitted through the glass via the series of microphones and speakers. He turns to see Steve and his blue eyes are brimming with tears.

“Natasha told me you had asked for me?” A small smile stretching it’s way across Steve’s mouth.

“Steve... I’m...” Bucky stands and makes his way to the glass. “I’m so sorry...” He holds up his hand and presses it against the glass. Tears are rolling down his cheeks as he chokes back a sob.

“It’s OK Bucky. I understand. I just...” Steve also fighting back the tears threatening to burst forth. “Everything is OK.” He holds his hand up to the glass mirroring Bucky.

“I love you,” Bucky choking back a sob.

“I love you too Bucky. I promise you everything is gonna be ok.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> I've never written Bucky/Steve so I hope everyone enjoyed it and that it wasn't too confusing.


End file.
